What does Tom need?

I found a new "fun with Google" game... Type in to Google, "[your name] needs" and find out what it is that you need. Here are some of my favorites:

Tom needs...

1. a hat (well, I'm not bald yet)
2. a dog (I have one and one is enough, thank you)
3. many lines (no, that would be Kate Moss)
4. to be back in a school setting - amongst his peers (from an autism web site... that is a quite a coincidence)
5. to get Roger to do most of the talking (Roger who?)
6. some concealer (And what exactly am I concealing?!)
7. to find Jesus (but where to look!?)
8. a swift kick in the face (That's not very nice!)
9. to be punched and kicked repeatedly (OK, now you are getting carried away!)
10. to do some CREST commercials and show off his Big Pants (OK, I get the Crest commercial but "Big Pants"?)
11. people in his life who will tell him that being gay is okay (I'm not gay.... not that there's anything wrong with that!)
12. a competent wife so badly (Yeah, I'm fed up with this incompetent one)
13. to start carrying a gun (With all these people wanting to punch and kick me, maybe I'd better!)
14. to realize he's not a doctor and knows nothing about having a baby (What? I'm not a doctor?)
15. TO GET HIS HEAD OUT OF HIS BUTT (Now that is true!)